Addiction
by Annuette-anon
Summary: Sometimes its hard to fight the cravings..JackDaniel moment during 'Need’ episode inbetween last few scenes. prompted fic


Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, they belong to their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.

Daniel can feel the padded restraints slip over his wrists and legs as the sedative kicks in, cooling his temper and giving his mind time to catch up with his body. Daniel's supposed to be smart, intelligent, a genius even which is why it's so hard for him to understand why it happened. How the Sarcophagus has enticed him. What started as a curiosity, has now become something else; something dark and dangerous that he doesn't even want to face, he wants to run from it as far as possible but at the same time he yearns for it. As all addictions run it sneaks up on him until he is left with nothing but cravings. No curiosity, just raw need.

He can't help thinking about it now, resenting the very people who've taken him away from it; his team-mates Sam and Teal'c, and his lover Jack. The same lover he's hurt so badly. Jack hasn't said anything, he still doesn't, but Daniel can see the wounded look in his eyes whenever they meet. Daniel can't forgive himself for that. Can't forgive himself for being so weak or forgive himself for the cruel words he casually tossed out to him; wounding Jack when he was already hurting, already half worked to death.

/She wants to marry me. /

The look of shock that had crossed Jacks face, the hurt that surfaced briefly only to be pushed back down, hidden under his mask of command…it was all too vivid in Daniel's mind. He knows they are talking about him now, he can hear them even though they think he's sedated. Daniel pulls on the restraints, his body and mind unconnected; as his body craves freedom, his mind is craving forgiveness. He can hear Sam's voice now, soft and hopeful as she whispers to him that he can make it through this, can fight the addiction. Daniel doesn't bother to try to reply, to plead with her. She knows what he needs; she can't give one and won't give the other.

/You've never really known what love is have you Sam/

The hurt that had blossomed in her eyes as he cruelly picked at her one weak spot; the same weak spot they'd had hundreds of conversations over, that had brought them closer together. Sam is a friend rather then a teammate, someone Daniel considers family. After those words Daniel isn't sure if he still deserves her friendship, or even her forgiveness.

As she leaves it's Jack's voice now that soothes him. Jack's hands which gently wipe Daniel's sweaty brow. Jack, whose love Daniel's so recently spat on.

/I wasn't asking you Jack//

The fury and pain that his lover hid so quickly showed only for a second on his face, but it had been enough for Daniel. The Archaeologists craving had overwhelmed him, pushing his determination to get back to Shyla, to marry her even if it was only to secure what he truly desired-the Ghould technology that had damned him. Daniel wonders if he deserves forgiveness from Jack, he doesn't think so but with Jack you never knew.

Their love was strong but it was also so new; they'd gone from friends to lovers over a long time, never once rushing into anything. Daniel had fallen for Jack shortly after he'd rejoined the SGC despite the angst this gave him over Shaare and Jack…Daniel wasn't sure when he'd fallen but they'd only said the actual words a few months ago. It was funny how words had brought them closer together and now, they'd rip them apart. If he weren't so bitter Daniel would laugh.

Daniel can feel the sedative wearing off, the fury he'd felt returning. The intense anger fuelled by his craving is also now empowered by his need to leave. To never have to see Jack, to never have to lose him. The restraints buckle and when the good doctor enters, Daniel's body moves; jerking upright and pushing her away as he races towards the gate, wanting not to face what he knows he's lost.

Daniel's there but he's not there, that's probably the best way to describe him when Jack catches a glimpse. Daniel's in there but right now he's not home; the light are off, the doors are closed and his eyes no longer mirror his soul.

/Daniel//

Daniel starts; roughly brought back to reality by the familiar voice that shouts his name. He stands dumbfounded, caught in his tracks for a moment, confused by its presence; a second later he darts into the weapons locker slamming the door behind him and hoping it locks. He can't let Jack see him like this, can't let his lover end it either. Daniel has to end it first.

He grabs a gun from the locker, glad to see that's it's loaded; in his present state of mind he can barely hold it let alone load it. Catching a glimpse of his reflection, the wide-eyed haunted look that screams for help, Daniel lifts the gun to his throat. It's all too easy to open his mouth and slide the barrel in, to feel the cool tang of death filling his mouth. The door flies open and startles Daniel who jerks the trigger. It takes a minute for the archeologist to realize there is no blast, no burning pain or sweet oblivion and he opens his eyes.

There's only Jack; a horrified, wide-eyed version of his lover. Daniel drops to the ground, pushing himself back against the wall as he points the gun at Jack. His finger tremble unable to pull the trigger, unable to hurt his lover anymore then he already has; but he can't put the gun down.

/God...What are you going to do? Do you want to kill me? Oh God, look at you Daniel. I know what this is. I know what it's like. You can get through it... /

But does he want to? Does he deserve to after all that's been said and done? Daniel doesn't think he deserves Jack's love, doesn't rate a second chance. That doesn't mean he doesn't want one though, doesn't want his lover. Tears spring to his eyes and trickle down his cheeks, "No…." Daniel shakes his head, "S-sorry, so s-sorry Jack." He stammers the words out as the gun falls into his lap. Jack's coming closer now, plucking the gun from his fingers and tossing it aside.

"It's alright, you're alright." The words are soft in his ear but Daniel can hear the love and shaky relief in the tone. Clutching Jacks vest, Daniel shudders against him not caring about anything but the man who holds him close and the love that still remains.


End file.
